You can hear this at YouTube:


I'VE NEVER SEEN A STRAIGHT BANANA
Words and music by Ted Waite
Melbourne : E.W. Cole, ©1926.
As sung by Billy Jones & Ernest Hare (The Happiness Boys), 1927.

VERSE 1: –I have seen lots of funny things in my time.
–But there's one thing you've not seen, I'd like to bet.
–What's that? I'd like to know just what I have been missing.
–Well, I'll tell you in the chorus but not yet.
–Why, now you've got me puzzled. Won't you tell me what you mean?
–The thing that's in my mind I must confess I haven't seen.

CHORUS 1: I've never... –Never what? –Never... –Never what?
–I've never seen a straight banana.
–I guess you'll admit
You've searched quite a bit.
–They're even curved when they are served in my banana split.
–I have seen them by the carloads
On the Delaware and Lackawanna.
–Have you ever, ever? –No I've never.
I've never seen a straight banana.

PATTER: –Crazy song, ain't it, Bill?
–Yes, it is.
–Ha-ha-ha!

VERSE 2: –I recall when I was in Alaska,
I have seen the sun shine twelve o'clock at night.
–Yeah? I have seen the waterfalls in old Niagara.
I confess that it's a most impressive sight.
–I'd like to see that certain thing, but if it's not to be,
We'd like to meet somebody else who saw what we can't see.

CHORUS 2: –I've never... –Never what? –Never... –Never what?
–I've never seen a straight banana.
–Though they're things I hate,
Millions I have ate.
–Well, I'll bet you've yet to see bananas that are straight.
–I have traveled far to find one.
–Yes, I heard you were in Chile and Havana.
–Still I never... –Never? Never what? –Never... –Never what?
–I've never seen a straight banana.

CHORUS 3: Well I never (never), never (never), never (never), never (never),
I've never seen a straight banana.
Once I chanced to see
A murder mystery.
The jury found the pris'ner guilty in the first degree.
All at once we heard the pris'ner
Holler out, "This is the truth, your honor,
But I've never (never), never (never), never (never), never (never),
I've never seen a straight banana."


[The Red Hot Jazz Archive also has recordings by Harry Reser and His Orchestra and Waring's Pennsylvanians .]