You can hear this version at The Internet Archive:


HOW DO YOU DO?
As sung by Billy Jones & Ernest Hare (The Happiness Boys)

1. How do you do, ev'rybody? How do you do?
How do you do, ev'rybody? How are you?
We are here, we must confess,
Just to bring you happiness.
Hope we'll please you, more or less.
How do you do?
How do you do?
How do you do?
How do you doodle, doodle, doodle, doodle do?
Billy Jones and Ernie Hare
Wish to sing to you out there:
How do you doodle, doodle, doodle, doodle do?

2. How do you do, Billy Jones? How do you do? (Oh, pretty good.)
How do you do, Ernie Hare? How do you do? (Pretty fair.)
Bill, I hope you like this song.
Well I hope it's not too long.
Am I right? No, you're wrong.
How do you do?
How do you do? (How do you do?)
How do you do? (How do you do?)
How do you doodle, doodle, doodle, doodle do?
Well, I'm glad you're nearly done.
Why, I've only just begun.
How do you doodle, doodle, doodle, doodle do?

3. How do you do, ev'rybody? How do you do?
How do you do, ev'rybody? How are you?
When the skies are kinda gray
And you're feeling just that way,
Ain't it great to hear folks say,
"How do you do?"
How do you do? (How do you do?)
How do you do? (How do you do?)
How do you doodle, doodle, doodle, doodle do?
So from Maine up to Alaska,
Here is what we want to ask ya:
How do you doodle, doodle, doodle, doodle do?

4. How do you do, old timers? How do you do? (Hello, old timers.)
How do you do, old timers? How are you? (How are ya? How are ya?)
You remember way back when
Girls were girls and men were men?
It's so different now from then.
How do you do?
How do you do?
How do you do?
How do you doodle, doodle, doodle, doodle do?
Even grandmas bob their hair.
They also smoke, and learn to swear.
How do you doodle, doodle, doodle, doodle do?

5. How do you do, John Chinaman? How do you do? (Hello, John.)
How do you do, John Chinaman? How are you? (Howee, Johnny.)
Runee laundry, eat chow mein,
Chopee, doee ev'rything.
Glad you like-ee hear us swing.
How do you do?
How do you do? (How do you do?)
How do you do? (How do you do?)
How do you doodle, doodle, doodle, doodle do?
[Rest of the verse is spoken in pseudo-Chinese gibberish.]*

6. How do you do, Mister Rooster? How do you do?
How do you do, Mister Tin(?)? How are you?
Can you tell us Mister Tin(?),
When will eggs come down again?
You haven't laid since Lord knows when.
How do you do?
How do you do?
How do you do?
How do you doodle, doodle, doodle, doodle do?
Though you think you're getting by,
Soon you'll be a chicken pie.
How do you doodle, doodle, doodle, doodle do?

7. Goodbye, Edison fans. Goodbye.
Goodbye, Edison fans. Goodbye.
Billy and Ernie are nearly through
Singin' this little song to you.
Now we'll say goodbye to you.
How do you do?
How do you do? (How do you do?)
How do you do? (How do you do?)
How do you doodle, doodle, doodle, doodle do?
Hope you liked this little song.
Now it's time to say, "So long."
So goodbye-dy, bye-dy, bye-dy, bye-dy, bye.
Goodbye!


[* In my opinion, verse 5—the "John Chinaman" verse—is irredeemably offensive and should be omitted from any future performance. I have provided it for historical reasons only.]