The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #140293   Message #3223716
Posted By: CapriUni
15-Sep-11 - 02:42 PM
Thread Name: Monster Song (?) from CapriUni -- help?
Subject: Monster Song (?) from CapriUni -- help?
A definite work-in-progress; I'd like help with the scansion and making it singable (I fear each line is too much of a mouthful). And I have no idea whatsoever about a tune.

But here are the lyrics:

Oh, we once were citizens of a fine town
It had taverns and churches and parks with playgrounds
All the people were handsome, the buildings were, too,
Then the monsters came in, and they spoiled our view.

Oh, the monsters were ugly, the monsters were strange
With different bodies, and different brains
We asked where they came from, but they didn't know
We asked when they're leaving, but they wouldn't go.
So we led them away with a gentle tut-tut,
Out into the forest, and locked our gates shut.

Oh, we once were citizens of a fine town
It had taverns and churches and parks with playgrounds
All the people were handsome, the buildings were, too,
Then the monsters came in, and they spoiled our view.

We kept to this policy year after year:
The handsome inside, and the monsters out there.
The experts all told us: 'twas the kind thing to do
For the monsters are nothing like me or like you
Then the experts would finish, with a gentle tut-tut:
"The monsters are happy to stay where they're put."

But out in the forest, outside our fine town
The monsters were talking about our playgrounds
To sing in our taverns and our churches, too
The monsters insisted it was their just due.

And so they came back, with their ungainly walks
And made lots of noise, with their squeaks and their squawks
They said they were people, and didn't we know.
They said they were born here, and they wouldn't go.
We told them: "You're ugly!" But with a tut-tut,
They claimed they were citizens, and planned to stay put.

Now the monsters are running all over our town,
They shop in our stores, and play in our playgrounds
We have to sit next to them, in our church pews.
It's unfair! For they're nothing like me or like you!




Now, the storyteller in me wants to make the build up between the exile and the return. But the part of me that wants this to be sung by someone other than me, in my shower, wants to keep this song short.

If I shortened the verses, could I get away with adding one or two?