I heard this one on Spotify, too:


I WANT TO HOLD YOUR HAND
As sung by Homer & Jethro on "The Very Best Of" (2010)

Oh, yeah, I told 'er some'n' I thought she'd understand,
But when I said that some'n', I had to hold her hands.
I had to hold her hands. I had to hold her hands.

When I tried to kiss her, she bit me on the chin.
As I held her hands, she kicked me on the shin.
She kicked me the shi-i-in. She kicked me on the shin.

It only hurts internally. –Whur? –Inside.
Them surplus GI shoes she wears skint my hide,
Skint my hide, skint my hide. Whoo!

When I hold her hands, I never have to worry.
I don't like to hold them, but it is necessary.
But it is necessar-ery, but it is necessary.

I touched her arms and they felt hairy. –Whur? –Outside.
I cain't help feelin' that I touched a cow's hide,
A cow's hide. –A cow's hide?
–Yeah, hide, hide, a cow's outside.
–Well, bring the old heifer* in, before she gets milked!

That sump'n electrifies me, I hope you understand.
If you electrocute me, I want to hold your hands.
I want to hold your ha-a-ands. I want to hold your hands.
I want to hold your ha-a-a-a-a-a-ands.


* I am amazed that H&J made this mistake. It's the kind of mistake you'd expect a city slicker to make, and therefore it almost ruins their credibility as country folks. But heck, they'd been professional musicians most of their lives, and probably never been around cows very much, so I forgive them.

You can't milk a heifer. A heifer is a cow that hasn't yet had a calf, and therefore can't give milk. In fact, a heifer isn't usually called a cow, although it's definitely a female of the cattle species—it's just called a heifer.