Popping into the newsagents to buy a newspaper and being faced with a queue of idiots buying lottery tickets.

Idiot: "Oh, I want a scratch card for Wednesday and three tickets for a week next Thursday. And do I get a discount because it's a month with an 'r' in it? And can you check this ticket that I bought in 2007? I think it was a month with an 'r' in it - it was July ..."

Newsagent: Hhhhm. I don't know ... I think I'm going to have to re-program the till for that. Can you just hang on for 25 minutes?

30 minutes later

Idiot: "And can I have 20 Bensons & Hedges and a box of matches, please? And can I pay my paper bill from last week? Don't forget I didn't get my copy of the 'Radio Times' last Monday.

Newsagent: "Sorry, but I'm going to have to re-program the till again."

Me: "You see this? It's called an axe - and guess what I'm planning to do with it?!!"