Hi Kim!!! Happy to see you and I do miss having you around. Jobs help because money helps. They say it talks and that's true.......Mine says "Goodbye."   Now if you need a few extra bucks, I could use a rep down your way for the latest from Fly-By-Night Industries. You're not old enough yet to need one but there is an aging population in your neck of the woods too!

Have you noticed that as you age your defecation times can sometimes also be a part of your sleep cycle? If this is happening to you, I would suggest the latest Senior Citizen aid right along with those weird ass bath tubs with doors. The OSHA approved and AARP recommended "LCR" (Lap Crap Restraint), often called the Lapper Crapper, can prevent a rude awakening on the bathroom floor. Get the model with the optional shoulder restraint.

Cletus' company, Crappers on Casters, has installed them in all of their portapotties with excellent results. They often have to set up their units on very unlevel ground and the belts have served them well. No more complaints from people being thrown out the door during a good healthy shit simply because they released their grip on the wall bar.   At a very small Herman Cain rally in Ansted, West Virginia, one particularly rotund lady with a large firebox fell asleep reading his book and actually did a complete somersault as she crashed through the door. She then slid down the hill face first with her ass bouncing high in the air...... quite a sight ...... scared the hell out of two kids playing hopscotch on the shuffleboard court at the foot of the hill.

I also have taken over manufacturing and distribution rights for the product and hope to soon have an updated Blue Ribbon model with an added airbag feature. We had great success with the Amish-Australian Pitchfork Moustache Tuner and the Gordon Bok Fan and we expect this to go even better. We have installed these in every room at the Neil Young Center for the Terminally Screwed.....except for the "Elvis" and "Lenny Bruce" suites where you are free to wind up in a deceased state on the bathroom floor with your ass hanging out.

This device is now available from Fly-By-Night Industries, one of America's Foremost Manufacturers. We have been manufacturing Foremost for years and now also have the new and larger Fivemost available. All of our products come with a money back guarantee. Simply return the unused portion of the product and we will return the unused portion of your money.



Spaw