Long vivid dream about Andie. She told me lots of stuff but mainly she said to tell her sister, "You don't have to go. Just refuse to believe it. You will be able to come back." I asked her why she didn't come back. She laughed and said "I didn't know it then. Besides, I'm back now."

Really wondering what that last line means. Perhaps back in my dreams. She let me hug her this time. She wouldn't in the first dream about a month after she died. Prevented me from crossing small stream.

She said she was swimming and got pulled out to sea. Perhaps that is what felt like when she died.

It felt like a good dream. She was filling water barrels at this shanty town like place, near beach, filled with people from all walks. Different ages and races, disabled, trans gendered. Like a commune, but people were rather neatly dressed and all busy at some chore or another. Most kids playing on beach and in water. It seemed post apocalyptic in that the structutres were tents and corrigated iron, yet everyone looked well and happy.

She never stopped doing her work while she talked to me. She seemed very contented. I woke before I could ask her if she was still singing and before I could ask if when I die we will be together. Somehow I think she would have avoided the latter question. But I woke feeling at peace in myself somehow.

As the dream faded so did the euphoria and the difference between high and low left me weeping for a bit. But I am better now.

Maybe it is the tramadol I am taking.