I have a stuffed Kermit the Frog figure (really cute!) and I used to take him to all my performances as a mascot, until my crazy friend Walsh (a musician, of course) decided to start persecuting poor Kermit.

He kidnapped him and held him for ransom one night at Don's Coffeehouse (in order to raise money to help Don out after the sound system had been stolen by some local pricks...who were never caught).

He put cigarettes in Kermit's mouth when I wasn't looking, and I wondered what the hell the audience was laughing about during the whole song I was playing...I utterly hate cigarettes!!!

He kidnapped Kermit on other occasions just for the hell of it.

He tortured and hanged the poor little guy.

And then...one night at a jam in Barrie...someone brought a Miss Piggy doll. Walsh grabbed Kermit and Miss P. and proceeded to place them in every compromising position imaginable for the duration of the jam. It was a disgusting and highly embarrassing ordeal for my shy and self-effacing froggy friend.

Kermit has since refused pointblank to come to any musical show I do if Walsh is within ten miles of it, which he frequently is.

What a drag. Walsh, if you are out there, I hope you read this and feel just like the sh*thead that you are sometimes when you get just a tad carried away with your funny antics.

It's not easy being green.

flattop - see if you can forward this to Walsh...he's been hard to reach lately for some reason.