"What has prompted me to start this thread is a very long-standing one of wanting to stand back from any argument, especially the longest-riunning ones, to get a grip on what is really going on."

Yes. I think that's a very good idea, autolycus. People tend to get themselves emotionally entangled in an argument/quarrel/disagreement and it takes them over, and they lose track of what's really going on. To stand back from it can calm the mind and allow a person to sort of re-calibrate their thoughts and find their way out of the emotional briar patch that they got stuck in, in the heat of the moment.

Sometimes it's best to say nothing. And wait.