UltimateGuitar.com offered to let me download something, but it was in a format that Vista warned me about. The other links given above are defunct. So I transcribed this from a recording at Spotify:


THE UGLIEST MAN IN TOWN
As sung by Shel Silverstein on "Crouchin' on the Outside" (2010)

Handsome guys get girls that are pretty.
Other guys make it because they're clever and witty,
But the only love I ever got, I got out of pity,
'Cause I'm the ugliest man in town.

Yeah, I drive down the street in a Rolls-Royce car,
Use hundred-dollar bills when I light my cigar,
But you know, folks, that really don't take you very far
When you're the ugliest man in town.

There was a note on the doorstep where I was found.
It said, "This poor child weighs eleven pounds,
So bring him up healthy and wealthy and sound.
Keep his back to the light; don't let him turn around."

All you women, you're heartless and cold.
All you want is my silver and gold.
Don't you know I got a beautiful soul,
Though I'm the ugliest man in town?

Yeah, I'm so ugly I gotta shave in the dark.
The kids start to cry when I walk through the park.
The clocks stop tickin' and dogs start to bark
Whenever I come around.

I walk down the street; the girls all hiss me.
If I died tomorrow, not one of them would miss me.
Only reason they phone me is they can't stand to kiss me.
I'm the ugliest man in town,
Oh, yeah, the ugliest man in town.