A friend of mine worked at a customer service unit and dealt with complaints. I asked if the job fustrated her, and she replied "at first, but not now." What interested me was what had changed her perspective, so I asked.

""Well, after being frustrated with dealing with some really angry people,I eventually realized that they were not angry with me, but with a situation," she said.   Secondly, she added, most angry people did not seem angry about the current situation, but with what they preceived to be the situation, mostly from past bad experience. I realized that they were bringing baggage forward from the past, and fears and frustration from past experiences, she concluded.

So, with that in mind, I propose that the essesence of some, or possible many, disagreements are seeded in past experiences and situations, some unresolved and most unpleasent, not with the core of the issue, or the disagreement at hand.