What do I say if my wife sees me posting this???

Source: http://crash.ihug.co.nz/~dexy/music/dansaga.txt

THE SAGA OF DANIEL

In the erection of Pope Penis III, back in the days of good King Haveacock, before they castrated Whackanackeroff, in the land of Turd there lived a sage named Daniel. Now it came to pass that Daniel did incise upon the King's shield in flaming letters, 10,000 times, the words "ASSHOLES!". Now in those days it was no mean feat to cut 10,000 assholes in the King's shield, and the King waxed exceeding wrath against Daniel, decreeing that Daniel should be banished forth unto the Lions' Den, there to reside for 40 days and 40 nights.

Now whilst Daniel was seated in a corner of the Lions' Den, a lion approached unto Daniel and placed his huge hairy paw upon Daniel's balls.
"That tickles!" cried Daniel.
"What tickles?" enquired the lion.
"Tes- ticles!" replied Daniel, and drinks were on the lion.

Now when Daniel had resided in the Lions' Den for but a few days, the King appeared at the door of the coven and commanded Daniel to come forth, in accordance with which directive, Daniel placed his left testicle over his right shoulder and his right testicle over his left shoulder and ran. But being the uncircumcised bastard that he was, he tripped over his foreskin and fell and came fifth, and was pronounced disqualified by the assembled multitude.

Daniel was great with rage, and waxed exceeding loud with oath.
"By the powers of my cum-encrusted circumcising scissors, and my five-fingered fallopian fiddler, and my knurled knotted nickel Knacker knocker, BRING ME BOY! ... Bring me another boy ... Oh, sod it, bring me my brass-bound bum-buggering box. These boys split too easily!"

Now the King had brought with him the greatest slinger of shit in the whole kingdom, and said unto Daniel,
"Should you have the strength to out-shit my slinger in mortal combat I will give you your freedom and the keys of the City".

And the two contestants lined up before the assembled multi- tude and stretched and flexed their naked assholes.

"Shit!" cried the King, and the greatest slinger of shit in the whole kingdom heaved and groaned and gave vent to a shit of 39 cubits, a new record for the kingdom.

"Shit!" cried the King again, and Daniel with a great breath puckered his magnificent orifice and with a fart like a clap of thunder gave vent to a shit of 40 cubits. The King was delighted, and as good as his word he released Daniel out into the freedom of the City, whilst the former champion slunk off to die in the wilderness, his once-proud ass ruptured from stem to stern. The multitude was so amazed and fell to muttering amongst themselves, one unto another, "What manner of man is this that he can shit a shit of 40 cubits?" and drinks were on the multitude.

Now it caume to pass that in time Daniel came unto the Palace of the King, where he spied the King's wife, good Queen Vagina, her daughter the Princess Pearly-ass and the Duchess of Dork surrounded by 40 Vestal Virgins riding their menstrual cycles, 20 eunuchs playing lead on their G-strings and bass upon their fallopian tubes, 1O strong men playing their phallic symbols, and Jock Strapp and his elastic band playing the latest poxtrot and "Tools Rush In Where Fingers Should Have Led" sung by many thousands of courtiers. Upon seeing this, Daniel waxed great with desire as his mighty member ascended into the air with a whistling shreik and stood as high as the battlements upon the temple.

The Queen was overcome.
"Shit", she cried, and 40,000 loyal assholes strained in unison, for in those days the Queen·s word was law, and drinks were on the Queen.

"Well fuck me!" cried tha Duchess of Dork, more in hope than in expectation, but not a soul moved save the Court Jester, who advanced towards her, candle in hand, saying:
"There, go fuck yourself", and drinks were on the Jester.

"Well fuck me!" cried the Princess Pearly-ass, and 40,000 loyal court-iers and 3 mad dogs were killed in the rush. And so Daniel, being the ablest man amongst them, advanced towards her and grasping her by the lips of her lily-white twot he drew her on like a well-worn Russian jackboot and carried her off into the desert where he lay with her and ravished her for 40 days and 40 nights until she grew great with child. Upon hearing of this the King sent a messenger into the hills to look for the couple.

"What steps do you intend to take?" he enquired of Daniel.
"Bloody big ones!" replied Daniel, and was moving away when captured by a band of the King's Loyal Shitstirrers. And so the day for the wedding was arranged and the presents began to arrive in great mumbers: one mighty marble mantel masturbating mechanism, one pair of great green greasy gunker grabbing gauntlets, one pair of pearly pink platinum-plated penis-pulling pliers, one titanium-toughened tungsten-tipped twot-twitching tweezers, one chromium-coated cunt-calculating caliper, and many others.

Now the moment of the wedding arrived, and yet again the King waxed exceeding wrath against Daniel, for Daniel was nowhere to be found, and so it came to pass that some 3 days later Daniel was discovered seated in a corner of the Lions' Den, erect prick still in hand, and beside him a testimony to his heroic sacrifice: a shit of 58.8 cubits. All agreed that the drinks were definitely on Daniel.


Well, there you are.
-Joe-