Carol,

I was going to PM you but I'm a bit pushed for time, so if I do it here I won't procrastinate, but I'll keep it short & simple.

From April '99 to Late June this year I was the victim of workplace bullying: cold, mercilees, calculating and manipulative bullying. I was caught up in it because I was trying to see the good in this boss, and thinking that if I just did my job better, and figured out how to communicate with him better we would start making some positive progress. He was thinking (IMHO) if I keep pushing this woman to the limit she's going to break & I'll get my jollies, get rid of her and then move on to the next victim.

Reegardless of how stressed, how low my health and emotional wellbeing was, how much I thought I was going to break into tiny pieces there were two emotional/social contacts which kept me going: my fiance (now hubby) and the Mudcatters. I kept checking in here every day, reading threads, not responding much but just sitting here feeling a part of this community.

The big thing to remember about bullying is that the people around you, especially the people who are working in the same workplace, often don't want to know about what is happening to you. Many in the workplace are afraid that they might be next if they are seen to be siding with the victim. It was the most isolating & scary human experience I have ever been through.

Here is a quote I found about the people who stand by and let it happen:

"Throughout history, it has been the inaction of those who could have acted; the indifference of those who should have known better; the silence of the voice of justice when it mattered most; that has made it possible for evil to triumph."

Haile Selassie

Finally, one morning I was sitting here feeling disconnected from everything, but reading the Mudcat thread titles and I realised that I was studiously avoiding any of the fun threads. A revelation hit me: I had lost my sense of humour. So, I posted a new thread entitled "Help, I've lost my sense of humour" requesting jokes & funny songs, maybe about clever revenge etc, to make me feel better. I started it off by referring to the Philadelphia Lawyer song.

Well, most people took it in the vein in which it was intended and came out with the funniest, silliest, sickest jokes that they could think of. Gradually I started to unfreeze from my sense of disconnectedness from other people. So, as I was starting to fight back against my tormenter I was being buoyed up by a bunch of people, the majority of whom I may never meet in person, but who helped me much much more than the people I had thought were friends who live closer to me here in Oz.

If it hadn't been for Mudcat and this sense of a loving sharing community I would probably still be trying to find my feet emotionally.

Now I have found many websites set up by other victims of bullying and I am also a member of an international e-group list. We help each other out just by talking about it and we each understand what the others have been through. So the internet has given me that bonus as well.

I could go on & on, but that's enough now. I'm sure you get the picture, but believe me that the intensity of the experiences I went through for over a year were the worst I have ever experienced and the help I got from coming to Mudcat was the best.

Helen