When your time comes, even if you don't develop dementia, trust me: you'll be singing along to American Pie and The Monkees and loving it.

Whether you want to or not, eh? I guess that's what I fear most - the inevitable loss of dignity by which our souls will be eventually crushed at the hands of entertainers in an old folks homes.

And it IS a matter of specific recordings, because they carry the key to our entire cultural identity. Singing live just doesn't carry the same significance; it's reductive and utterly bogus. I just hope it isn't compulsory - it sounds like hell on earth.