I think they should deal with him like the Brits did to those Irishers: shove a hose and a funnel down his throat and pour in soup. Or they could do it a more modern way, one that Shame now would probably like more: insert the soup from the bottom up, so to speak.

Or they could just put a bag of moldy Tim's donuts within his reach -- the kind usually found the day before the dumpster is emptied.