If something isn't a democracy, then what is it?

Any number of things. Most things in our lives aren't "democraies". When Churchill said that democracy was the worst form of government, except for all the others he wasn't just making a joke. The fact that in public life we have to settle for putting up with the flaws of democracy doesn't mean we have to do the same in every other aspect pf our lives. Most aspects of our lives aren't forms of government, fortunately.