Hi Naomi

As requested:-

EXCUSES
To the tune of the old traditional song "The Female Drummer"
            
I didn't want to sing tonight, I know that sounds absurd,
I'd rather sit and listen, not suffer with me nerves.
But my arm's been twisted, so it is no ruddy use,
I guess I'll have to sing a song, then use my big excuse.

            Chorus :-
                It went all-right at home, don't put the blame on me,
                It's a lovely song, but I'll get it wrong,
                'cos I'm shaking at the knees.

I've never sung this song before, so I hope you'll bear with me,
Me throat's gone awful funny and I'm dying for a pee.               (o
I might forget a line or two, or even half a verse,
I've only just got over flu and I think it's getting worse.

I tried this song out with me wife, she got the tune all wrong,
She's got a different instrument and it's never played this song.
I've never used a mike before, is this the way you stand?                                                                Do I leave it where it is, or, should I hold it in me hand?

I've had an awful day today; I've just got back you see,
I came here straight from me work and I haven't had me tea.
I'm starving but I'm here now, so I'll have to sing a song,
But if you here me stomach rumbling, well, just try to sing along.

I think me memory's failing, but I really can't remember,
I forget the words, forget the tune, sometimes forget me gender.
My mind's gone blank, what must you think? I shouldn't try to sing.
Do the words go dum-de-dum, or, something-something-something?

I've not been feeling well of late; I stopped smoking just last night,                     
I'm not familiar with this song and I think me neck's too tight.
My guitar's out of tune you know and I broke me favourite pick,
I've been and left the words at home and I think I'm feeling sick.

Feel free to amend or scrap as you want.

       GRex