Well approaching the 6th anniversary of Andie's death (28 April) and have spent the 6 weeks frightfully worried about her little sister Hilary.

This anniversary is different so far. Before this year, this day (and week preceding) would feel like a building up of a deep session of wallowing in sadness. It was a preparing to give myself a timed space to go back into deep grief mode.

I don't feel like that now.

I think it is due to having been under intense pressure at work and in my personal life (worry about Hilary and others things) and the high disease flare I've been in since October. I've had no time to think about the approaching poignant dates (death, funeral and birthday).

I feel as though I have exhaled and am ready to just take it easy, do some creative things on these days I have booked off from work. I am still worried about Hilary. But I am looking at how (as Hil is) to handle stress better.

My gift to Andie this year, is not tears, but focusing on beauty and creativity. Hope it works.