I'm no good at tunes, but I'll have a go at the text. I think it owes something to an earlier Irish song I recorded from several singers called 'They doesn't do it now'.

In my childhood days, not so very long ago,
I was always the favourite with the ladies don't you know,
I had tuppence on my tuppeny and nails upon my toes,
And a little bit of putty that they called my nose.
As I sat among the ladies, they appeared somehow
To talk about the things before me as they don't do now;
They used to take me on their knees--I do it now instead,
And they used to come and kiss me as I lie in bed.
They were very very good to me,
Very very good to me.
If ever I had a pain in my rum-tum-tum,
Or a tic douloureux in my kingdom come.
Oh, bless your heart, how they'd rub that part
In a way that was good to see;
They never do it now though I wish they would,
They were very very good to me.

More on separate posts. I'm afraid I don't trust computors or Mudcat!