Well, if I'm elected Miss America, I will try to bring Truth, Justice and the American Way back into American life.

I will do this by starting a petition to make Mr. Obama stop lynching blacks in southern Libya. The practice had died out under Mr. Kadaffi, but after Mr. Obama did what he could to bomb the country back into the stone age, the practice started up again. And Mr. Obama doesn't do anything to stop it. I will start a petition called "Please don't Lynch anymore Negroes in Libya" and try to get liberal support for it. I will dedicate my year's reign to this project alone, and after spending thousands of hours appealing to hundreds of liberal groups, I will present the petition (with all its dozen or so signatures) to Mr. Obama.

And now I'll twirl my baton to the tune of "Shot me a Snapper an' now I Wanna Cry."