There's no room for extra tourists on a bank holiday. In any case, the tourist dough the royal parasites allegedly bring in is open to severe doubt. File under Received Wisdom. The Queen is not the caretaker of many of the UK's historical and artistic holdings. She and her ancestors stole them. A rich landowner spotted a tramp in his field. He went up to him and ordered him to get off his land.

"And how did you come by this land?" asked the tramp.

"Why, my ancestors fought for it!"

The tramp, taking off his jacket, said, "All right then. Come on, I'll fight you for it now!"