You could try the old methods of sticking a vacuum cleaner hose up your bum or getting a large fat friend to jump up and down on your tummy.

In severe cases however you might try both at the same time. The Catholic church have approved both methods as long as you derive no pleasure from the activity.

C-sections work a treat also but you should ask a friend to help and mahe sure you have some strong yarn and a good needle at hand or the aftermath will be more messy than necessary.

Glad to be of assistance.

Frank McGrath