Are you trying to tell us that Windsor Castle is not, de facto, in every possible practical sense, the Queen's? Oh yes, I forgot: it belongs to "the nation!" Then pray tell me exactly who is allowed to go in there, rustle up some nosh and go for a dump in the lavvy just before getting their head down for a kip. Why, I think I'll invent a quango, sign over the ownership of my house to it and make it responsible for decorating it, maintaining the fabric, doing the garden, restoring the run-down bits, rebuilding it in the event of fire (because I won't be insuring it, of course) and, not least, looking after my artwork (a twenty-quid bust of Beethoven in my case). The setup that looks after the palaces gets a cool fifteen million a year from the taxpayer, even though the badly-run palaces manage to make millions more by opening up occasionally to let us in, at great cost, to see our property. Ah, the advantages of "holding the palaces in trust for the nation!" All of the benefits and none of the responsibility! D'you think my new quango will be awarded a couple of grand for fixing my roof? Why should I pay?

And, in case anyone has been deceived into thinking otherwise, the Queen did not pay for repairs to fire-damaged Windsor Castle out of her own pocket.