Did you know that most people who die in the bathroom (yes, that includes Elvis and the Emperor Claudius), die of heart attacks or strokes or anneurisms brought on by straining too hard to "go".....

Bad joke time.

A train travelling at speed is suddenly halted by someone pulling on the communication cord (emergency brake). The guards hunt down the train until they find a man locked in a lavatory, who pulled the cord. They enquire as to the problem.

"I've got piles", he wails. The guards look each other up and down....

"Well so have I" says one guard, "that doesn't mean I can get away with pulling the communication cord whenever they get troublesome!"

"Ah, but yours aren't wrapped around the axle....."

LTS