I agree with Bugsy.

But seriously, folks...

Yes, I've had some of the same experience. The conclusion I've come to is that there is no IS to life. It's all what we generate, for better or for worse. We can't control circumstances (Shit Happens), we can only say what our response to circumstances will be. Some days I'm better than others at rising to meet circumstances. But the only freedom I can see is in my own determination about whether or not I fight back or play or dance or roll with the punches or pull the covers over my head or give up and head for the bridge. So far, I mostly opt to fight back, play and dance.

And when I'm feeling the bridge to be particularly alluring, I call a friend. And sometimes walk around my house pounding my fists on counters and tabletops and begging to know why the hell this is happening to ME???!!!??? And trying to let it out good and proper, so the anger and disappointment and fury can leave me and make room for what's more natural -- joy and pleasure.

It's never a completely done deal, however. The wheel sometimes turns and there I am, with my nose in the mud again. And time to call a friend and make myself some more tearwater tea.

When in doubt, create something.

ww