Fruitcake is a lovely gift and wise
Fruitcake, oh, fruitcake, forever
A single fruitcake never dies
Fruitcake is my darling!

Fruitcake never causes tears
Fruitcake, oh, fruitcake, forever
A single one lasts a hundred years!
Fruitcake is my darling!

Fruitcake always rings the bells!
Fruitcake, oh, fruitcake, forever
Next year we'll gie it ta someone else.
Oh, fruitcake is my darling!

Fruitcake always brings back thanks
Fruitcake, oh, fruitcake, forever
From nerds and creeps and slugs and skanks,
Fruitcake is my darling!

ANd fruitcake makes you fat and randy
Fruitcake, oh, fruitcake, forever
Because it's soaked in English brandy!
Fruitcake is my darling!