Dear selby,
One can hope for more inclusive hearts to prevail but even a great community can be corrupted by some form of fundamentalist ego or another. There are more exclusionary practices, rumor mills and hero worship of the most quantity driven posters than those daily immersed in the forum seem to realize. There are those who want to keep it that way so let them. Some need the rewarding responses more than others, If you are looking for rewards here but can not find any please know there are kinder hearts in communities outside this one small island.

Like any group who feel ownership of "this little thing of ours", exclusivity can spread like an infection. Playing king of hill is fun so let the kids play, it is their game after all.

Even the smallest reward given freely to another in a discussion forum is relished beyond words. Likewise the smallest snub can be devastation to others. If there are no rewards or responses there will be no feeling of mutual participation or membership.

Be it a loss of etiquette or thin skin a discussion forum is usually a rough and tumble place that can end up offending more than illuminating. Arguments often require a foil or adversary, real or not, to contrast points of view. I think discussions are more about being rewarded for the thought, insight or scholarly history one can bring to the table. No cookie, no trick. Of course there are the contributors who are truly selfless in their giving.

The unwritten dark side rules of making sure the rumored scarlet troll is ignored and not responded to, will put them in their place and make them go away. To PM people and tell them to "stop messin with people's minds" is a more direct rebuke I have seen. The mean, trite or deeply angry people can be forgiven for their follies and foibles but they still do damage to a community.

For former participants I can only hope they realize that the pendulum of human nature will allow any community to swing back to inclusivity from exclusivity, be it from the momentum of events, discoveries, accomplishments or death. Sometimes highly qualified people like a judge or a DA must leave mudcat forum to save their occupation from guilt by association with yahoos or worse.

One can argue if spending five or more hours on one website is healthy. They like it because they are getting something they think they need. Even if it is only an illusion of gratification from ones time posting, it is still seemingly important. When it is from a good heart, good things will probably issue.
It is always healthy to step away for a season or more to grow in directions outside one small group of people. Immediate family excepted, although that may also be a good idea.

Remember the quality of a contribution will seldom outweigh the quantity of contributions. It is always best to not make the mistake of basing self worth upon ill formed or misinformed notions of what a a yahoo in a chat room says about you. True membership in a community like this one is defined more by the in person relationships made at getaways and workshops. Love and trust require actual touch and oxytocin.

Fair or not selby, it is wise to not over invest emotions in people who will only know you as a virtual spot on a page and not the consciousness that is growing within you. Most people will only see what they already know; outside their focused pov they are blind.

Look, lurk or post, it's up to you. For me that is freedom enough with or without a good discussion.