"Technical Terminology"
{A bit dated but still accurate}

486....The average IQ needed to understand a PC.

State-of-the-art....Any computer you can't afford.

Obsolete....Any computer you own.

Microsecond....The time it takes for your State-of-the-art computer to become obsolete.

Syntax Error...."Hello, I want to buy a computer, and money is no object."

GUI (pronounced "gooey")....What your computer becomes after spilling your coffee on it.

Computer Chip....Any starchy foodstuff consumed in mass quantities while programming.

Keyboard....The standard way to generate computer errors.

Mouse....An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.

Floppy....The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer.

Hard Drive....The sales technique employed by most computer salesmen.

Portable Computer....A device invented to force business people to work at home, on vacation, and on business trips.

Disk Crash....A typical computer response to any critical deadline.

Power User....Anyone who can format a disk from DOS.

System update....A quick method of trashing all of your current software

Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.

Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.

My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.

The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.

Access denied--nah nah na nah nah!

"As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing."

Does fuzzy logic tickle?

A computer's attention span is as long as its power cord.

Ultimate office automation: networked coffee.

Press CTRL-ALT-DEL to continue ...

Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.....

Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...

"640K ought to be enough for anybody."
-- Bill Gates, 1981

And lastly, an ominous warning sign, posted on a computer:

I WILL DO EXACTLY WHAT YOU TELL ME TO!