THE MISSUS WOULDN'T APPROVE
As sung by Mel Blanc on "Greatest Hits"

I've often thought I'd like to go inside a burlesque show.
I'd get myself new glasses and I'd sit in the first row.
I'd love to see those girlies dance, but I would never go,
'Cause I know the missus wouldn't approve.

At night, I walk our dog and pass a bar called Fifi's Inn.
There's always several blondes inside who wave at me and grin.
I'd like to go inside and get a couple o' drinks of gin,
But I know the missus wouldn't approve.

Now the missus she is fun and we've had some dandy times.
We make fudge and we play cribbage every day.
But if she only knew the truth,
She would think I was uncouth.
My sinful thoughts would make her faint away.

When I'm asleep at night, I dream of girlies by the score.
I dream they chase me and I run home quick and lock the door.
I'd like to dream they caught me, but the missus would be sore.
Oh, I know the missus wouldn't approve.

Now the missus she is sweet when my conduct is just right.
When I'm good, she's never strict with me or mean.
There was just once I heard her shout.
Oh, gracious sakes, she bawled me out!
She caught me reading Esquire magazine.

At night she sits and reads to me before we go to bed,
And while I smile and nod at all the dull stuff being read,
She never knows those burlesque girls are dancing in my head.
If she did, the missus wouldn't approve.