I TELL MY TROUBLES TO JOE
As sung by Mel Blanc on "Greatest Hits"

There are times when every married man has trouble with his frau,
When some small disagreement will end up in a row.
When my wife nags and says mean things, I grab my hat and go
To that little bar on the corner where I tell my troubles to Joe.

My friend Joe he tends the bar in this nice friendly little place.
He has that bedside manner and such a pleasant face.
When my wife's on the warpath, I'll get sympathy, I know,
In that little bar on the corner where I tell my troubles to Joe.

At times when Joe has seen me sob and cry right in my beer,
He pats my hand with a nice wet rag and whispers words of cheer.
When I tell Joe of my mean wife's extreme brutality,
He looks so sad and goes, "Tsk, tsk, tsk;" he's just like a mother to me.

My friend Joe he's married too; he's got a quiet wife named Rose.
He says if she got mean, he would poke her in the nose.
If I did that, I know that I would never live to go
To that little bar on the corner where I tell my troubles to Joe.

At home, my wifie raises heck each time I spill my tea,
But down at Joe's, if I spill my beer, he says, "Have one on me!"
To show how sweet and kind he is, Joe says, "Bring your wife in,
And I'll not only buy the drinks, I'll give her a big Mickey Finn."

Joe advises me to get real tough and change my way of life,
But acting tough would sure bring the beast out in my wife.
If I got tough, she'd beat me up and then I couldn't go
To that little bar on the corner where I tell my troubles to Joe.