You sound as if you are on the American continent somewhere, Claire M. I cannot envisage anywhere in the UK where you would be so isolated from other folkies.

TBH, I can't think of a better hunting ground for a young disabled woman than the folk music scene. The vast preponderance of active folk participants are older men, so catching one should be like shooting fish in a barrel: they will be flattered by any interest from a younger woman and folkie society accepts the disabled/impaired/differently abled (physically and mentally) better than many others.

You COULD try Filk or SF circles. Lots of lonely men there, and you have a good chance of finding a follower of Pratchett or McCaffrey - but with luck not John Norman or E E Doc Smith!

I'm not clear what you mean by "peck your own ground" - you might mean you self-harm, you might mean you are bisexual, you might mean you prefer solo sex to paired sex or you might mean something else I have not thought of yet. I don't know if it makes a huge difference. I'd say that the latter two things are largely acceptable today. As for self-harm, many many people have young relatives or know people with young relatives who self-harm and it is often recognised as a cry of distress which ends if the distress is reduced.