So sorry, Nigel. I have been mostly absent from Mudcat lately so missed the sad news. I don't know if I can offer any real comfort. I don't know if I found it for myself since losing my daughter (age 23) in 2005.

What I can say with the passing of time (so the saying must be true about it healing all wounds) I feel the anger, outrage, disillusionment, sorrow a little less robustly now. The moments of despair are fewer and further between. And I have been able to find some joy in memories and in doing things I know my Andie would have loved. I just consciously ask her to come along and imagine how she would engage with these events.

But then I get a punch in the gut like this morning. Just after talking with TSO about getting the videos of Andie's concerts onto DVD before the VHS tapes disintegrate, BBC R 4 played a little clip of Pachelbel Canon in D. That snip was used in the opening of something Andie sang in high school Bach to Rock choir concert. A full blown memory flooded back of her smiling face, singing, hair style and the clothes she was wearing. I just fell apart on the drive into work. I have not looked at the videos since before she passed away. I cannot bear too. Yet I remembered every detail of that little bit of the the concert. And I counted it a blessing that I could remember it in such detail.

There may be times when your future will be peppered with these kinds of memories. Even the tenor of your feeling about them will probably change as mine has.

I hope my rambling here, offers you some comfort. If not, please just ignore it. Every person must grieve in the way that most suits them.

Sending you and your wife much love.

Tamara