The doubting Thomas bit is already covered. Your Liverpool stance denies the true path, but I digress.

We can have our miracles from a pool of supernatural characters we share in vision. I will write the gospel of David Hirst, Chris Waddle, Trevor Francis and from the Old Testament, David Ford and Don Megson (who sent his only son Gary down three times.)I thought your miracles would be from the times of the prophets, Shankley and Paisley. After all, done nowt since... We have of course the odd joint angel to offer the masses, the goalie Bob Bolder for instance.

I like the idea of breweries for our cathedrals. They give us an equivalent of the blood of Christ and most have visitors shops so tins of shortbread biscuits make great wafers. By (genuine real) coincidence I have rented a cottage in Southwold from Monday for a few days holiday, round the corner from Adnams brewery. I might just be tempted to suss it out and claim it for the faithful.

The charitable status will be a Claptonsend. We can hoard valuable paintings and not pay tax, just like real religions. The suckers we can teach to be our priests tend to work for a low stipendiary too, although they expect fringe benefits. (See earlier post. )

Hymns..   I happen to like organs but draw the line at mouth organs. We may need a reformed church chapter to accommodate your strange musical tastes......