It would blow the spots off a leopard (sorry Sue) or shoot a Ford Anglia into geosynchronous orbit. Trouble is I don't qualify, as I don't beleve in your unbelief.

Sorry guys!

You worry too much, Don. The watchword in our new creed is bendability - oops, sorry, flexibility. The hierarchy have determined that your free-thinking maverick qualities would fit in very well, potentially qualifying you for high-priest status even, and your apricot wine would be a prime candidate for our communion service (as long as our bioassays conclude that it doesn't clash synergistically with magic mushrooms, of course...)


As far as I know, militant atheists have never burned anyone at the stake, nor started a crusade nor jihad against anyone else.

Disappointingly true, Dick, but you may rest assured that our Diabolic Department is working on it this very minute...

Now, chaps (not to include chapesses as yet, as our precise level of misogyny has yet to be clarified), I'm detecting something of an over-abundance of enthusiasm here, tinged with a definite touch of indiscipline. I mean, Musket old chap/deputy Messiah, for example, you might talk like this in Sheffield:
Steve and I might pull it off after all
...but we do have to think of the sensibilities of our wider catchment. I am thinking that a strong sexual element would provide a major draw, but let's not get too hasty, know what I mean? Better at this juncture to concentrate on our core values. We need a deadly sanction for those who would demur (all other religions have 'em, so why not us?), and we need to figure out a good order of service for our Wednesday night pre-bingo bash. One or two hymns, a bit of certainty-preaching and a ritual involving Don's apricot wine and, possibly, a portion per person of Sloppy Giuseppe if we can get them BOGOF at Sainsbury's. First things first.