Now, as your ceremonial Messiah I'm going to dictate that you sup the following wines, all under a fiver (we haven't usurped enough major artworks as yet or got enough fascist dictators on board to fund anything dearer). Asda French Marsanne (a white) at £4.50. Sainsbury's House Pinot Noir at £4.50, and, best of all (bar Don's apricot communion nectar, of course), Tesco's Simply Garnacha at £4.59. I am recommending these ex cathedra. It is not possible that anyone will regret buying any of these (and I mean it!). I'm thinking of excommunicating anyone who drinks anything with either Echo Falls or Gallo on the label. My theory is that the producers of these are juice-lovers and evolution-deniers. Nah, not theory. I'm all-knowing (I forgot that for a minute there), so I know these things to be true. Just like evolution. Thirty years ago it would have been Watney's Special or Double Diamond, but one has to keep up with the times, even if time is infinite to one.

The commandments will have to wait until tomorrow, as my whole evening was taken up with Spain v Italy in the Confederations Cup, which went to extra time and penalties in an absolute thriller (which I'd engineered, of course). Spain won the penalty shootout (I had to tweak that one too: I will not under any circumstances have Iniesta on the losing side, and I am the Messiah, you know). I'm thinking of having the aforementioned Andrés as deputy Pope. I have a spare purple frock somewhere. You OK with that, Musket?