This "lady" has let me use her keyboard. I say "lady" but she sure as furballs don't smell like one, but anyway, she's let me use her letters tray because I have a few things on my um.... er. thingy. Firstly, if I find the bastard who stood on my tail as they came through my favourite staking out window, I shall crap in their boots. That's a nice ball of fluff, can I bat it around? Oh, no, it's one of those things they keep in a jar.... fart pills I think they were. Bast, but it's seen better days.... stinks like that tomcat three doors down, and his arse hasn't seen a tongue for months! Where was I? Oh yeah. First you use me as a rug - hey - that's what Dogs are for!! Then, I get my first chance of getting out of here for ages - OK, so I've smelt better things in my food bowl, but it was a chance. Mmmm food. that would be nice. I'll just eat these crunchy potato things.....

Now what was I saying?? Oh yes, I was just about to give it the full blast of my gorgeous green eyes, when it did the brelp noise, and Bast, did it pong. I thought I'd die again..... Made my eyes go all funny, I could see both my noses.... In a bid to escape from that, I jumped onto the first thing I could see that wasn't one of my noses. Makes a nice noise doesn't it..... Do you have to keep feeding it that brown watery stuff, or would it like some crunchie num nums? Hey, what's this hole.... Mmmmmm, secret dark place..... hey I can get in it! Any spiders in here?? I love spiders, crunchy, juicy and a leg for everyone..... back in a bit. You in't seen me right?

Queen Rathunter Magnifipaws III, aka Cooking Fat.