Grovel, wretch, grovel.

You don't have any IDEA what goes on in libraries all the time. Did you know, that according to a survey taken by very respected librarian, more librarians have had sexual encounters in elevators than any other segment of the US population? 'Tis true. Some speculate that this is the case because librarians can't afford a hotel room during conferences. Others say...well, us your imagination.

But librarians know how to keep their secrets and only talk about Certain Subjects with the Elect, not the Great Unwashed Masses.