BRITISH HUMOR IS DIFFERENT
             These are classified ads which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers:

            FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
            8 years old, Hateful little bastard. Bites!
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            FREE PUPPIES
            1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.
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            FREE PUPPIES. Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
            Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound..
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            COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay bull for sale.

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            JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
            Must sell washer and dryer £100.
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            WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE.
            Worn once by mistake.
            Call Stephanie.
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            And the WINNER is...FOR SALE BY OWNER. Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
            Excellent condition, £200 or best offer.
            No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.
            (Statement of the Century)
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            Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--Billy Connolly.
            "If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, how come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"
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            Children Are Quick
            TEACHER: Why are you late?
            STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
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            TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
            JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
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            TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
            GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
            TEACHER: No, that's wrong
            GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
            (I Love this child)
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            TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
            DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
            TEACHER: What are you talking about?
            DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
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            TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
            WINNIE: Me!
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            TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
            GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
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            TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
            MILLIE: I is..
            TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
            MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
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            TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
            LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand...
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            TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
            SIMON: No sir, I don't have to; my Mom is a good cook.
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            TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
            CLYDE: No, sir. It's the same dog.
            (I want to adopt this kid!!!)
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            TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
            HAROLD: A teacher.
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            Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.