Dear Morgan,

Your first birthday without your dear grandma. Honest, this will be the most difficult. The first of each anniversary or holiday is the hardest. We always, always think of our dear ones who are gone from us but special days like this are tough. You know she did not leave you because she wanted to, that she was struggling to keep on and wanted to spend more years with you.

When my dad was dying of cancer, among the very last words he was able to speak, "I just bought little boy his first car. Now everyone in the family has his own car." I hoped this meant he would live but what it did was express his wish that he could live to buy "little boy" his first car at age 16. My son was not yet 3 years old and his relationship with his granddad was special - like yours with your grandma. Although they had less than 3 years together, I know that gave my son a special sense of himself that I still see 50 years later.

You have been gifted with that special relationship with your grandma. You know her in your deepest self and she lives in you. You will listen to her all your life. And you will miss her too. Nothing can ever take from you the gifts she has given you. She would wish you to have a very happy birthday. Let it be so. You can celebrate her life with the best possible birthday.