The Tinker

As sung at St Andrews University, 1958:

A jolly old highland tinker was walking down the strand
With his ballocks o'er his shoulder and his penis in his hand,

    With his jolly old kidney-wiper and his ballocks hanging free
    And a yard and a half of foreskin hanging down below his knee --
          Hanging down (INCHES THICK!)
          Swinging free (WHAT A PRICK!)
    And a yard and a half of foreskin hanging down below his knee.

[Alternative shouted parts to the chorus:
          (ALL AGLOW!)
          (WHAT A SHOW!)
or
          (WHAT A BEAT!)
          (FEEL THAT HEAT!)]

The lady of the manor was dressing for a ball
When she saw the highland tinker pissing up against a wall.

She wrote to him a letter, and in it she did say,
"I would rather be fucked by you, sir, than my husband any day."

The tinker got the letter, and when it he did read,
His balls began to fester and his prick began to bleed.

He went up to the manor, he strode into the hall.
"God save us!" cried the butler, "He has come to fuck us all!"

He fucked them in the parlor, he fucked them in the hall,
But the time he fucked the butler was the finest fuck of all.

When he fucked the butler, 'twas such a fucking farce --
For the heat of the fucking fucking fucking decomposed his arse.

The tinker's dead and gone now; he's buried in St Paul's --
It took four-and-twenty bastards just to carry in his balls.

Tune in solfa (scale is TdrmfsltD):

s.mms.s.s.m.d.....d.D.D.t.l.s...
l.t.d.d.t.d.l.s.m.s.l.r.r.m.r...
s.s.mms.s.s.m.d...d.D.D.t.l.s...
l.t.D.DDt.D.l.s.m.d.r.d.d.r.d...
D.t.l...........D.l.s...........
m.f.s.sss.s.l.s.D.D.t.t.l.t.D.....