Apparently, when a new Pope is elected, he's carried in a chair, wearing no underclothing, above the heads of the cardinals - so that they can see he's actually a male and not a female. Memories of Pope Joan, d'ye see?

It's the same with footballers - the stewards check before each match to see that the players actually have the Full English, and that they aren't women... Just a quick feel up the -

(Sorry about this. Our band was playing for a gay ceilidh last night (or should this be gayleidh?), and some of the dancing was, to say the least, quite interesting).