From Jerry Siverman's book: Music by Dvorak. Words no-one admits it.

Passengers will please refrain from using toilets while the train is standing in the station. I love you,
Therefore we urge constipation when the train is in the station. If the train can't go, then why should you.

My favourite pastime after dark is goosing statues in the park,
If Sherman's horse can take it, why can't you?
I'm the guy who did mthe pushin', put the stains upon the cushion, footprints on the dashboard upside down.

When you have a natural urge, or after you have had a purge,
the management request you learn the art
of using roses, or wisteria, between the parts of your posterior.
Guaranteed to camouflage a fart!

When you have to pass some water do it in the place you oughter,
Please don't use my hat, and be a pal,
Picture, please, your consternation, and your righteous indignation
if you found your hat a urinal.

Nothing looks much better than a girl who wears a sweater
though she may not be as big as she appears.
Remember, boys, before you wed 'er, best investigate that sweater
or your wedding night may end in tears.