TURKEY WITH WHISKEY

Buy a fine turkey (5 kg) for 6 persons, a bottle of very good whiskey and some bacon.

Put the bacon around the turkey, fix it there and use salt pepper and some olive oil on the outside of the turkey. Set the oven at 200 degrees centigrade.

Have a glass of whiskey and drink to the success of the endeavour.

When the oven is hot, put the turkey in it and have another glass of whiskey.

After twenty minutes, set the thermostat to 250 and drink another glass to the health of the bird.

Affer halfan hour, open the ofen, half a look to chick the checken and turn the turnkey. Pee carefull not to burn a hand atta hotta fucking ovendoor. Have another glass of whiksey, two when ya hand is burns.

Frie the aminal four tree more oars (howcareswholongaxualy). Lil' or no checkin' neceshary, but ne'er forget the wixie after each cheque or pee. Gin in doot have too.

Now craul to ofendoor and try to getta ofen outta da beast. Hickup birdy from kitshen floor and pootit on blade. Have another one. Pee careful notta shlip on de greece and fad on de kuckenfloor. Trie shtandup again. Iffn't poshible, neverfuckingmindandlayonthefloor. In booze cases, empty bloodla whizzkey. Go shleep where you are.

Next day have the cold turkey with a good dose of aspirin.

Wolfgang