Krizmuz started owt purty fair fer me cuz I ment thizzerr ol girl whut wantud ta do sum fine sekshual acts on me an I figger as ta how I wernt doin nuthin' elz Ide take her up on the idee. Come ta find owt tho thet she wantud me ta pay her an wen I dint have no money, she slapped me upside the head reel hard an callt me a lotta names.

Weuns went ta Catspaws playz fer the mornin an Paw gimmee thizzeer book whutz got maps of all the states an everthang senz weer alwayz a gittin lost when we come a lookin fer you folks. Catspaw gimmee the honor uv goin down inna bazement an pluggin in the outdoor lights. Now I kinda messed up there cuz I wuzza standin in some cat pee er sumpin there by the litter boxes which are over whair the plugs is. When I plugged 'em in I got me a big ol jolt uv thet thair eelecktricity whut nocked me acrost the bazement on my ass. The resta the day wuz kinda blurry after thet an I wuzza gittin worreet thet the shock had messed me up sorta' so the boys all took me ta the Emurjentzy Room. Az I wuz goin thru Catspaw's back yard though, I stepped in one of them piles uv Weimaraner poop an Buford made me leev my shoos inna driveway an I went barefoot ta thet ER.

The Docs sed thet I wuz jist a little screwt up frum the axsiddent an Ide be OK, but they alzo found out when they wuzza checkin me over thet the girl who give me her body also gimmee one of them thair Veneereeyul dizeezis so they gimmee sum pennysillin an sent me on home.

So I guess fer Krizmus I got a map, a zap, some crap, an the clap.

CLETUS