New Year's Resolutions:

1. Take the large cat photo off the goldfish tank so that the fish can finally get some sleep.

2. Renew my subscription to Field & Filosophy, especially after the series on Heidegger and deer decoys in the May issue ("Can There Be Substitutes for Being on Wheels?)

3. Stop buying 20-crayon size boxes in the vain hope that they will contain teal.

4. Avoid the "All U Can Eat" Buffet at the Shaker Community House.

5. Give up the "Souvenir Chad From Florida" idea, and sell the 22 newly purchased hole punches.

6. Vow to say nothing all year that compares 2001 to the movie of the same name, e.g. "Hey what about those Pan Am signs, ironic, eh?"

7. Don't donate to Food Bank by stuffing chocolate wafers into bank machine slots.

8. Ensure that I wake up alert in the new year by polishing bathroom floor excessively, and using top side of bath mat upside down. Walking on little suction cups will also provide interesting early morning sensation.

9. Organize collection of CDs by length of time it took to get the plastic wrapping off.

10. Finish paper on implications of cloned sheep for future of knitting industry. Tentative Title: "All's Wool That Ends Wool?"