Ed, perhaps you need a Secret Santa this year who will ship you a cheese. In cold weather it should be okay for a while in transit. I'm not sure how one would describe the difference, cheese in a can vs canned cheese. I can't imagine that there is processing in the traditional "canned" sense or the cheese would melt to a disgusting goo (Cheez Whiz?) And clearly shipping in hot weather isn't good for it.
The food timeline is amazing. I'll spend a lot of time reading through that.