Do you harbor unspoken resentment against apes and monkeys? Do you resent them getting equal pay and equal rights alongside humans? Do you think they smell bad? Do you think that NO ape should ever get to be president of the USA? If so, you need ZALOXX!!! ZALOXX! is a brand new preparation made with 17 different secret ingredients from the jungles of Africa, South America, and Borneo. ZALOXX! transforms closet specists and even outright primate-hating, obscenity spewing bigots of the worst sort from prejudiced creeps who use words like "p**pflinger" into tolerant, unprejudiced people who don't object in the least if their daughter shows up at the door with a handsome Chimpanzee on her arm, but invite the happy couple inside for a cool drink and a cheerful family gathering at the dinner table. Yes, whether you are white, black, Asian, Hispanic, Native American or from any other known human demographic, ZALOXX! will turn YOU into a primate-loving person who wants nothing more than to embrace his or her primate ape and monkey cousins with love, acceptance, and consideration. Don't hesitate! Order a yearly supply of ZALOXX! NOW!!!!!!!!!!...and see the incredible results work their magic in just a few days! NOoooooooooo SHIPPING CHARGE!!! Remember the name. ZALOXX!!!!!!!!!!! That's ZALOXX!!!!!!! You WILL order some now and you WILL vote for Chongo Chimp in 2016. Depend on it. It EVEN works on Republicans!*

*(Well, most Republicans...)

(Note: sale of ZALOX is banned in Texas. But that don't stop you from crossing the state line to get some, does it? ACT NOW!!!)

Call 1-800-APE-LOVE or go to the APP website and order online!

This message has been brought to you by the American Primate Party, 2015. "We aren't just monkeying around."