Well, you know that old newspaper squared, the Old Farmers Almanac, and the pages from the late, lamented, Sears catalog were pretty stiff and scratchy. Before using any of them they were played with, crumbled, folded, and otherwise softened; even back in the old days they weren't no fools.

You might have heard about corn cobs. Yep, they were used, but only as a joke on city slickers. Leaves can be an emergecy substituted, but not poison ivy (a friend in the Boy Scouts once made that mistake, but only once) or nettles or other such plants -- it helps to know botany.

The National Outdoor Leadership School (NOLS) recommends using a smooth rock. They also suggest cleaning it and carrying your rock with you in case you can't find another one. (All of the stuff herein is, by the way, true.)

Them old Romans used a bit of sponge fastened to a stick. It was rinsed after use in container of water and kept in a second container of water.

Others people have used water, sand, and water mixed with sand. Of course, scraps of cloth or soft leather were also well thought of.

In the C-ration boxes the US military included a packet of "toilet paper" which was suitable for other uses as well -- roofing a bunker or patching the armor on a tank, for example.

Don't say you never learned anything from reading MOAB!!!