BREAKING :

New poll says 0% of Canucks will vote Blue.

Based on a poll of one, CPC is screwed. In a bold move, Owenspolls contacted one person, and asked him if he would vote CPC. In addition, they requested that the answers be allowed to be made public in quotes. The respondent said, "Sure. I don't give a shit."

The lone respondent said, "Not a chance in hell." The next question was "Who would you vote for if the election was today?" and he responded, "Are you shittin me? I ain't tellin youse guys! Don't call me again ya stunnedasmearse!" and he slammed the phone down.

Owenspolls says the poll and it's projection of election results are accurate 20 out of 20 times with no damn chance of any error unless the election is suspect. When contacted for clarification of the accuracy, the representative for Owenspolls, a Mr. Gary Owens, said, "Shit Harpers... ah... happens. Look at the last few elections."

Stephen Harper was asked about the poll by the CBC. He responded, "We are well aware of Owenspolls and CSIS has been dispatched... rather... asked to monitor Owenspolls for any wrong or evildoings. You can never let down your guard in order to keep Canadians safe from Canadians. A vote for the CPC is a vote for vigilant safety in these dangerous times. You... you work at CBC? What's your name?"