City:

Stress abounds!
Today is the day after the Celebration of the Life of...A lengthy event in an over heated Cathedral. R understood the speakers and gave me precis of the tributes. I had an opp to tell the widow how much I have appreciated conversations with HER; she said, "it matters." and I responded, "yes, very much!". (She always assumed I wanted to talk with Roger and passed me on before I had a chance to say anything. I only got to talk with her if he were not at home, or if I were at their home. This has been bothering me for about 30 years!)

Helped with food prep in the am, then went to home an saw the pots/bowls Hannah likes best - a total surprise! She has quite a pile of "Dorothy bowls"! Rode back to church with a son's long time partner, my first opp to visit with her, ever. R arrived on time! We had a long and disturbing talk with a long time friend at the reception. I am looking at doing some attempted damage control via email. R totally missed the wonderful slide show - his back was to it and he did not notice when he went for more food!

I felt like another surrogate family member, realizing only after this event just how connected we have been over the 47 years and still are, more so it seems - children and, even, grandchildren. I hope they are not being hit by this aftermath but suspect it may be so. They have each other and I am not comfortable phoning to see how they are. Maybe tomorrow. Esp worried about widow. She held up very well throughout and is probably exhausted- which may be a good thing. She may let go of life - faced with the Parkinson's plus the loss of her husband of 62 years.

I expected a come down in the aftermath and so it has come to pass. Doing nothing today other than periodic tears and deep breaths and gasps of pain. Did feed the Robin x2 and started unloading the dryer. deleted emails, spent an hour and a half trying to sort out Bell bill/change of address and more. Finally, after two times on "Chat" and an attempt to reach by phone, I sent a VERY annoyed email with my questions and concerns. OK, so I did something today - added another level to my stress.

Instead of driving down to the mill and then to the grand opening of Gigzz, I asked R to try to go on time and I shall go with him. I want to be there but it seems so trivial in the face of our loss. I simply do not have the energy/motivation to pull together what needs to go to mill plus drive there.

We realized at BF today, that without Roger, without the Yellow Door, we would never have met each other or a number of other people who are important to us now.